Who Says This Isn't Like Real Life?

Here are some highlights from my fledgling RPG (think Dungeons and Dragons) campaign:



Vertigo: The protagonists were trying to defend an important religious figure inside a chapel. One of his would-be assassins was firing at him with a musket from a balcony across the room. One of players sprinted up a flight of stairs to attack him, and, upon reaching the sniper (who at this point had drawn a sword), tackled him off the balcony onto the stone floor below instead of using his own sword. I rolled to see what part of their bodies would take the fall; the player's character landed harmlessly (well, comparatively) on his chest while his opponent fell squarely on his head, rendering him unconscious (and probably paralyzed).

Biblical Study: One of the heroes, a prostitute, tried to use her finely honed skills to seduce or distract male NPCs (non-player characters) at every turn. Her would-be clients included a man who was, in fact, not in his room, a guard who turned out to be dead, and a man (eventually found outside his room) who fled upon seeing her.

Hazard Pay: This group of adventurers found themselves captured in an underground prison. They managed to escape after pretending to suffocate one of their companions, thereby starting one of the worst days for guards ever. The gaoler was gang tackled while trying to save the helpless PC and held in a leg-lock for about 10 minutes while another character threatened to cut his toes off. Another, moments after discovering that the man he thought was a fellow guard was, in truth, an escaped prisoner, was stabbed through the eye and killed instantly before he even had the chance to act. One of the guards protecting the exit was shot -at point blank- in the knee, then stabbed in the same place moments later. While on his knees, dizzy with pain, two of the heroes took advantage of him and simultaneously ran him through with brutal coup-de-graces. Meanwhile, his companion was gashed in the arm, more or less severing his bicep from the bone. In a heroic act, he attempted to punch his opponent (who happened to be an expert swordsman) and had his hand cut off in the process. He was left, delirious with pain and bleeding to death.

Did Anyone Pack a Compass?: This underground dungeon included a sizable map full of subtle clues as to who was in charge and what they were planning. There was a fellow prisoner who was supposed to introduce more clues in addition to an interesting moral dilemma. All of this went undiscovered by the players who bee-lined it to the exit, stopping by one storage room and the mess hall along the way. Critical plot details? Down the drain. Hours of prep? Down the drain. But I'm not bitter, even though everyone else I've ever played with will not rest until they've explored every room. So much for the Mario mentality...