Saturday, August 26, 2006

Fall Back

I was playing Snood today (if you've never played, dont, its incredibly addicting), seeing if I could string together a bunch of "Evil" level wins on Journey (which, I'm ashamed to say, I'm really good at) and I got into the most incredible Snood grooves ever (I suspect divine intervention). I won 18 consecutive games. Thats incredible, unprecedented, maybe even impossible, but I did it. I dont want to think about how many hours I've invested in Snood to get to the point where I can win 18 consecutive games at the highest difficulty (its a lot).

Now, I have no idea what the meaning of life is, but I strongly suspect it doesnt involve Snood (dont worry, I'm not going to go into some huge Snood=life metaphor). So what the fuck am I doing wasting away my precious youth kicking ass at Snood? I actualy dont believe in any grand 'purpose' in life, like we're part of some kind of plan or have destinies or any of that, but I cant deal with beleiving life is totaly pointless. I mean, I dont want to just fuck around with some laregly meaningless career (or even a meaningful one) for 40 years then rot for eternity. We're supposed to be doing something, right?

I guess I have this conception of a "good life" that we're all supposed to be living. It doesnt nescesarily mean we're supposed to save lives or smell pretty flowers or any of that shit. Actualy, I dont really know what it means, other than living with some kind of honor (which is a discussion all its own, but in a nutshell it involves morality, dignity, truthfulness to one's self and especialy self-sacrifice, even as an end unto itself). I guess this is what they mean by "growing up"...dealing with mortality. But I dont buy that I still have plenty of time to figure this out. And god knows I havnt figured it out yet, but I know that whatever it is I'm looking for, and whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing, this isnt it.


OldSchoolKlingon said...

When you say "this isn't it." do you mean Snood or what you're currently doing with your life?

justifiably_vertical said...

the latter

OldSchoolKlingon said...

Ask yourself- If you change what you're doing with your life to something you now believe to be better and right, will it be the right and better thing then?

The Juicy One said...

"other than living with some kind of honor (which is a discussion all its own, but in a nutshell it involves morality, dignity, truthfulness to one's self and especialy self-sacrifice, even as an end unto itself)"

dude, spare me. if you wanna go in for all that thats great, but it is in no way related to living a full life. and self sacrafice? you cant live your life depriving yourself, we're not all jesus here. for a second reading that i almost thought you were religious.

I think you're looking at this too narrowly, you dont always validate your existance through a career, and not everything is pointless. I think you can validate your existance (and in many ways, approach a form of immortality) by affecting other people's lives, at least thats how i measure sucess. Because when you inspire someone that can have a direct visible effect, and that makes other things happen, and the energy just keeps going and going for generations, and there's a little bit of you whereever it goes!

OldSchoolKlingon said...

I agree with Emma, but I also believe that the kind of good person you wish to be is exactly the person that for some unknown reason you've already decided you don't like in others.

dr_koopon said...

how did u win EIGHTEEN EVILS IN A ROW!!!?!?!??! im not sure ive ever done more then 2... u definetly have spent way WAY too much time playing snood.

btw i think u can find bumper stickers that say snood=life

justifiably_vertical said...

its a gift Dr.K
And i do beleive self sacrifice is good for the soul, without it you'd end up fat, lazy, and totaly not in control of yourself.
And klingon, I absolutely dont want to be ur image of a "good person", thats not what i meant

The Juicy One said...

u sound like my dad...yeah you need to push yourself beyond your comfort zone, but i hardly call that sacrafice.