Friday, February 09, 2007

The Bohr Model of Friendship

After a conversation with a buddy of mine, I've decided to begin a great scientific undertaking: describing the Bohr Electron Orbital Model of Friendships. This, therefore is the first post in my new series of Science Stuff For Life.

**Disclaimer: You kind of need an understand of Bohr's model for actual electron orbitals in order for this is make sense, and I'm sooo not going to teach it to you**

You exist as a nucleus comprised of protons and neutrons (see the Subatomic Particle Theory for the Self), obviously at the center. Around you are your friends (the so-called electrons), bound to you by weak nuclear forces. I know the bond with friends isn't weak, but WNFs are actualy weak because they are, after all, nuclear. But anyways, the attractive force between your protons and your friend-electrons is caused by favorable compatibility between your charge and their charge (i.e. how well you get along). All your friend-electrons exist in one of seven circular, concentric orbitals. Friend-electrons in closer orbitals are attracted more srongly to the nucleus and are your closest friends. People who know and like less exist in orbitals further from the nucleus. Each orbital also has an energy associated with it (further away orbitals having a higher energy) that represents the amount of effort, time, and emotional anguish it would (or has) require(d) to bring them into the closest orbital. In addition to this difference in energy, different orbitals can accomodate different numbers of freind-electrons, the inner-most orbital being able to hold only a few (which makes sense, right? You can only have a few really close friends, and more less-close friends) while further, lower-energy orbitals can accomodate a higher number of friend-electrons. This has something to do with the Pauli (note the spelling) Exclusion Principle...something.

Anyways, you also have to keep in mind that the closeness and energy of orbitals are relative to the composition of the nucleus around which the orbitals are. For instance, someone who is good with people will have lower-energy orbitals, and the closest orbitals will be closer than the corresponding orbitals of people who aren't good with people or just have no friends.


Gavrich said...

You're kidding, right?

You can't honestly expect to define the infinitely complex and unpredictable concept of interpersonal relationships with a freaking AP Chemistry/Physics model. I may not exactly be Mr. People-Person, but dammit, this is not right. People are people; there is no substitute, and no simplification of facts.

Good spelling/grammar, though. 8]

justifiably_vertical said...

5 minutes ago I would have asked someone if they were kidding if they told me you could get something stuck that far up your ass, but now I know.
Seriously tubs, relax. In case you havn't noticed, this isn't a serious blog and I wasn't trying to explain 'human' relationships with an electron orbital model, just provide a scientific (and ridiculous) lens through which to see them, and maybe make someone (other than you, apparently) laugh.
Now go die.

The Juicy One said...


it wasn't too hillarious (then again its still before 10am) or scientifically ground-breaking but it did make a lot of sense...keep in mind electrons can move between levels under certain circumstances, so it actually is pretty relevant. the laughing was for vertical telling gavrich to shove it

Emmie Johnson said...

hey! It seems u have researched a lot before writing the blog

justifiably_vertical said...

um...actualy, every nerd (I am one, by the way) knows the Bohr model...its pretty simple. But, um, thanks...

SabilaK said...

Hey Vertical:
Olivia LOVES you. Check out #7.

SabilaK said...

Well, it's really more like Olivia LOVE(S) you(r blog)...but I'm sure she harbors fond feelings for you as well!