Thursday, July 17, 2008

Moments Of Restraint

I hate glaciers. Really, honestly, I do. First of all, they clearly should have an 'sh' in them, not this foreign glah-see-ay gibberish. But America-and-freedom-hating spelling habits are only the beginning of their suckiness. They're lazy as hell; all they do is sit there, crushing stuff, preventing cave man expansion, and being cold. They must know they're melting (and have been for kind of a while now) yet they do nothing about it, it's like they're expecting us to solve their problems for them. Well, let me just say this: "we remember the ice age, and it sucked, so look elsewhere for help, buddy". Oh, and I haven't even mentioned how they're hogging a ton of fresh water, and not even drinking it. And we know they've been a menace to their caretakers, the polar bears. Clearly it was stress that made their hair turn white.

But here's the worst part; they absolutely ruin the terrain they leave. How inconsiderate. Seriously, I'm SICK of hills. All I have is a bike and I'm absolutely SICK of biking up your godamned hills! Do you hear me? SICK of it. New England would be a great place to live if you hadn't rolled through here and all these fucking HILLS! Seriously, no matter where I go, there's this huge fucking hill in my way. Would it have killed you to flatten stuff out a little on your way out? Water makes stuff flat and smooth, so what the fuck is your problem? Godamned selfish chunks of ungrateful ice. And you know what? I ride a BIKE! It isn't producing an CO2 to melt you sorry asses and yet you choose to make my life HELL! Fuck you.


9 comments:

dr_koopon said...

Is that you in the pink spandex?

XD

justifiably_vertical said...

Koops, you have known me your entire life. Now tell me, does that look like me?

The Juicy One said...

Well you did just proclaim a borderline-homosexual love of Tolkien, maybe this is your way of trying to hint to us?

when you were young said...

But consider this: if it weren't for glaciers, we wouldn't have the movie Ice Age, which was pretty entertaining. So it's a tossup for me.

dr_koopon said...

ahh jvert, so know I'm just messing with you, your lack of sufficient biking skillz to warrent spandex, and your hatred of wearing the color pink.

And juicy? Tolkien is awesome. Nothin' wrong with having him on the list, just cuz any osmosis of awesome, however small (think thimbles), would totally be worth it.

Terra Shield said...

I feel your pain regarding hills. I used to have to walk up a hill almost everyday in the not so distant past.

Gavrich said...

Perhaps, JV, if you ate more than lettuce sandwiches for sustenance (assuming that your palette is still appallingly bland), you'd have the physical werewithal to tackle the alpine slopes of New England.

:P

Orhan Kahn said...

I'm with you on the hills, buddy. I sucks at the bike-meets-hill(s) rides.

OldSchoolKlingon said...

vagenis