Friday, August 01, 2008

Anniversaries

About a year ago, or was it two...well, if you were to take this period of time and round it off to moths, it'd probably be almost divisible by three. Or four. Anyways, the aforementioned amount of time ago, I wrote about skittles. Now, some time later, I sit here with a brandy glass full of chocolate skittles next to me.

By the way, did you know that, if I google "chocolate skittles", the skittles homepage isn't the first result? Clearly they need a better website.

On a related note, I heard that there's a javascript command called "set googlebot trap", that attracts 'trolling google bots, snaps their necks, and raises them as little zombie google bots which then obey your website and can help it move up on the results page.

This just in: chocolate skittles suck. These things are positively vile. They taste like plastic that's been soaked in chlorine. Honestly, I have never encountered faker chocolate, not even when I took a safari to Coke Presents New Cocoaland. Also, one of the flavors is "vanilla". What the fuck? A vanilla chocolate skittle? Now my head hurts, just like my stomach. These abominations are just the latest in a trend by candy manufacturers (recently merged with, it would seem, shit factories); "let's take this cool product we make, and create an inferior version". Just look at dark chocolate milky ways. Shit for brained dingos.

Fuck, every one of these flavors just tastes like chemicals. It actually takes effort just to see what the fuck they're talking about when they say "this one s'mores, and this one's caramel!". Yeah, and this one is soylent green, courtesy of the people in our company who actually had good ideas.

You know how there's always some douchebag who likes to say "everything that can be invented, has been", and we all turn around and say "lol, owned, we just invented something"? Well, he's right about candy. So instead of simply continuing to make original, tropical, wild berry, smoothie (if they insists), tart'n'tangy and sour, double sour, Xtreme fruit, and carnival skittles, along with both skittles mints and mint skittles, they decided to go ahead and make chocolate ones too. Seriously? But no, like seriously? Why not put the R&D money towards advertising the existence of carnival skittles? Because, really, skittles should not have a big R&D budget (nor should that department's strategy be "exhaustive search").

10 comments:

The Juicy One said...

Yeah I blogged about those too a few months ago...told ya they suck the unnatural balls that spawned them.

PS- carnival skittles?! sounds fun. I just googled carnival skittles and the first thing I got (albeit sponsored) was from TheAntiDrug.com. go figure.

girlfriend said...

i agree with you about the chocolate skittles but don't knock dark chocolate milky ways- totally obsessed with them.

dr_koopon said...

Dark chocolate milky ways are far inferior to regular milky ways. Chocolate skittles are edible, but I'll take any other kind over them any day of the week.

"soylent green"
I have to ask... what is this??

justifiably_vertical said...

Koops, you should be ashamed of yourself.

As for dark chocolate, I readily admit that it is by far the more manly and hardcore chocolate, but I still hate it, cuz I'm a choco-puss.

The Juicy One said...

I agree dark chocolate is gross, but I can see how that might work in a milky way. I love those but nearer the end they're just so damn sweet...

girlfriend said...

I think the main issue on whether dark or milk chocolate milky ways are good depends entirely on whether you like dark or milk chocolate. As such, it's a pretty pointless discussion since no one ever wins cuz it comes down to that little fact. Since chocolate skittles don't say what kind of chocolate it is though, we can just assume it sucks major balls regardless of chocolate type.

Terra Shield said...

I remember your original skitttles post. That's the first comment I made in your blog!

when you were young said...

how are chocolate skittles at all different from M&M's?

justifiably_vertical said...

One is really good, one sucks.

That's the difference.

The Juicy One said...

wywy- it's not candy coated chocolate (like M&Ms) its chocolate flavored candy AKA sugar goo.

Think about it...