Thursday, September 27, 2007

Apparently, Prostitution Hasn't Been The Same Since '76

I like to think that, beneath my mean and cynical exterior, I'm a fairly nice person. Wait...my do I always use these stupid lead-in lines? Fuck that.

Ahem. I went to give blood today. My (mild?) desire to help other people always manages to overcome my hypochondria* when it comes to blood drives (imagine a hypochondriac walking around knowing full well that they're missing a pint of blood...not pretty). Plus, I feel obligated to donate given that my blood type is O-neg. More than that, I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real (saving lives). Some people get lucky that way and don't have to worry about donating because no one else can except their blood (here I'm thinking of Vulcans living on Earth and Mike Shinoda**). Anyways, I was pretty excited about pretending to be a hero and getting an excuse to lie around all day. And on a totally random note, I just turned down free caramel apples that were in the same building, which I now regret very badly...maybe I can get one before my next class...

Right. So I wait around for a while, read all sorts of stuff about HIV and how I might get nerve or artery damage (!?!), then finally walk into the donation room and sit down with a nurse. Within ten seconds I walking back out because I'm sick today, and apparently sick people (even one with just little colds) shouldn't give blood. I guess that makes me one step closer to being Mike...

I'm glad no one I knew was around, 'cuz it's pretty sketchy to get obviously rejected from a blood drive. I know there's all sorts of legitimate, honest reasons like travel, gay sex (not kidding), or (duh) having a cold. But who assumes any of those? You see someone get turned down by the Red Cross and of course the first thing in your mind is "unprotected sex", not 'oh, I bet he spend a summer in Mexico building houses for orphans with AIDS.

*the reason it's so easy is that my hypochondria doesn't set in until after I make an appointment, at which point I can tell myself "there's no turning back now"

**his blood type in Krylon Technicolor, Type A

P.S.- I know I said I was going to post daily, and then failed after the very first post. I don;t know how I got this way, but I promise that I'm breaking the habit tonight

7 comments:

The Juicy One said...

haha today I actually had a very similar STD related experience...

oh, and you missed like the best concert ever, like seriously, PR> College

Terra Shield said...

Seriously, I find your lead-in lines a reason to continue reading, because you never know what you're going to get at the end of the post.

That aside, at least you had the courage to go and sit by the nurse. When they had a blood donation drive recently, the moment I saw the baggies from the other donors, my stomach did a 360, and I bolted! So much for trying to make the world a better place

justifiably_vertical said...

Thanks Terra, but I still find the first sentence of most of my posts awkward, so I figure I ought to skip right to the "plot" (??). I like to think the title->first paragraph->whatever the hell I end up on has sufficient "wtf?" value.

dr_koopon said...

way to drop three lp lines there. whoever woulda thought that "krylon technicolor type A" could be worked into a blog... or for that matter, that jvert could spell "krylon." seriously, where did that come from?

on a more serious note, i tend to guilt trip myself every time i hear about blood drives because im so freaked out by needles that i might not go to many (or maybe none). im trying to work on that, but it hasnt gone too well just yet... maybe the o-neg "feel like its needed" thing would help, but i have no idea what my blood type is.

OldSchoolKlingon said...

A post about blood, filled with LP references...

Begs the question, what happened to "Bleed it Out"?

justifiably_vertical said...

Reagrding the LP: I started with the krylon reference, unintentionaly added "one step closer", then ran with it. (koops, there are actually 5 lines). I have no idea how I missed "bleed it out"...shame...

Koops, I think you have to get over your fear, at least for the Olivia Tawney drive to preserve the school's good rep (but don't worry, you have a year). Ultimately, the Red Cross isn't as desperate as they like to sound, so the world will go on without your blood, but you'd still be kind of a pussy.

The Juicy One said...

dr k isnt old enough yet anyway...right?


but I love giving blood, and i was really excited to start last year. Its such a simple thing and it really helps out a lot, plus its an excuse to lie down and do nothing (one of my favorite activities) and eat free food (another fav)