Today I received, for the first time, a prize for athletic acheivement (I got some trophies during my breif tenure in Little Leauge, but those don't really count). Its a big (albiet extremely tacky) trophy for 2nd in my age division (10-19) from this kinda dinky road race, so it wasn't a huge deal success-wise.
I woke up at 5am this morning to drive up to Newtown, CT with a fellow runner. The weather was nice (cool and not raining as they had predicted), and the atmosphere was awesome considering I havn't been at a real distance (meh...5k) meet for 10 months. I really didn't psych myself up enough for it this week, which definately showed during the race. I did, however, entertain some thoughts about running with the big boys, so I went out with the chase pack. I'm not gonna bore you with the details, but the feild ended up being really weak (the winner ran an 18:16) and I got 6th place and a very dissapointing 18:59 on a moderately easy course (thats about a minute slower than I'd hoped for). But it was cool to get an award considering thats my biggest goal for the upcoming 'Cross season (this kinda running won't cut in though).
Unfortunently the trophy is really dorky with this giant plastic gold star on top (pictures pending). But despite that, I ought to be happy with it right? I mean I did win it. No. I hate it. Is this because I'm afraid of happiness? Maybe, but I doubt it. The dorkiness combined with my poor performance has made this trophy represent my own, argueably(sp?) silly, pursuit of athletic glory. See, I'm not very good (see the abovementioned 18:59) but I have high hopes for doing well and winning shiney medals in my last high school season. I'm good enough to, with some luck, do this in my little small-prep-school corner of the world but I'll still be mediocre(sp?) compared to any real scale. So aren't I really going after silly, juvenile prizes considering that most people who win them will go on to struggle to make a DIII college team?
So I've finaly distinguished myself in running (at least in the limited world of the first annual Newtown Road Race) and gotten that coveted award. And it sucks. Fuck.
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7 comments:
Eh don't be so hard on yourself- For not training as much as you should have over the summer (None of us did), 18:59 isn't awesome, but that'll drop nice and quicklike. Don't be so hard on yourself because you're not running a PR time at the beginning of a new season(that's a bit of a ridiculous expectation). Instead, enjoy your shiny plastic trophy, and kick Zane's ass!
"The dorkiness combined with my poor performance has made this trophy represent my own, argueably(sp?) silly, pursuit of athletic glory."
oooo.....deep. and don't worry yourself too much with the big picture, even the greatest of the great all eventually fall into grey
PS- you ran like everyday, isnt that enough!?!
I didnt actualy run every day, and what I did do wasnt enough. And thats the best reason to be mad at myself: not training hard enough beforehand, cuz thats really when the season is made or broken.
And that wasn't even close to my PR, plus theres no reason to beleive it will drop quickly (in the real world anyways, I dont know about your world).
Ooh...maybe I'll trade this stupid trophy to get that ride into space...
Ben, don't kid yourself. If you aren't in any way satisfied with a 2nd place trophy, then you really are incapable of satisfaction and/or happiness. If the result isn't going to satisfy you, then whatever you're doing is just a waste of time. Suck it up and smile, man!
While I must side with Tim in regards to not taking this so seriously, Gavin's right in saying that the 2nd place trophy doesn't really mean as much as it would in a more competitive event. What really matters is his time in comparison to those he's achieved in the past, as that'll be what matters during the season.
Hey, congrats on the flashy 2nd place trophy and be glad you can run at all! I was off the running trails for nearly six months months last year with a sprained hip and realized during that loathsome time of inactivity and physical therapy how much it's a part of my life. I'm back and healthy again and would love having a tacky 2nd place trophy thrown my way!
When are you posting pics of the trophy??
first off gavrich, I got 6th. And I know my time was bad, and thats waht really matters. I shouldnt be proud that the race didnt draw a strong feild.
dr. k: that was definately on my mind while training, and my overcatiousness definately hamstrung my training to a large degree, so I guess I cant be that mad at myself.
I'll try to get pictures up tomorrow, I've been procastinating so far.
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